Christmas HO! HO! HO!

Dislike most of it.  Still, here are a few things I do like about it:

• Christmas trees with blue lights in them that look like  fairies, ok,  more like glow-worms (is that even a word???) but blue. My sister will have to agree.
• It’s most likely to have the first real snowing, with huge snow flakes that I like to run after and eat/swallow (I know, I’m an innocent sweet child – puppy eyes for the connoisseurs)!
• Receiving gifts! MUAHAHHAH! Fine! Giving them too

Now, as expected, things I dislike:

• The kitsch shops full of gifts with all the golden/silver glitter on. Red too. I don’t like red so I don’t want to see it everywhere.
• Being alone on Christmas. I think every single year as an adult I’ve felt alone on Christmas. Something was missing. I’m still looking for the “missing” thing.
• Having to buy presents, I never seem to get them right!!! A disappointed face is horrifying not to mention annoying! I think I’ll stick to candy from now on, everbody likes that.
• Finally, people start being kind, but in a fake unnatural way. I could never understand why only during Christmas we can be kind to others!

I feel that this post ends rather abruptly… hmmm…. =>> had to add something

a smile for the day:)

Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DZHw9uyj81g&feature=fvw

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E7ekBkF2OXI&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=to0DbEFTLAM&feature=fvw

Merci!

Browsing

After browsing through my last few posts I realized they are too serious just as I am  too serious.  I am not like that on a daily basis but, on this blog, apparently, all I write turns out so.

Now, I wonder if I am like that on a daily basis too, maybe I have a wrong image of myself in my head. Maybe I am imagining being funny and jolly. Umm… panicking here….

:)

I guess I was right in writing this, wishing and thinking it. At least parts of it.

Autumn me

People are so caught up in their lives, they forget to stop, to ask for directions. No wonder so many of us get lost. No wonder I am lost sometimes.

How could I be any different than the rest of the world? How could I be unique, special when it is so much easier to be like them? I presume I don’t need to be all that, all I need is to be plain, simple Alina. Am I too simple? Should I be more extravagant, complex? Why should I be any different than what I am, why would I want that? I am sure I would not be happy pretending to be something different but will I be happy if I’ll be plain, simple Alina?

I think I have multiple personalities. Yes, it might be funny to you, still, it is not funny for me. When I say multiple personalities I am not talking about the psychiatric diagnosis,  alter egos, it is not that bad. I mean there are days when I go from a state of absolute happiness to absolute depression and desperation . I think everybody goes through that at one point in their life, at least once! What triggers it is insecurity, lack of confidence. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I am very confident, too confident in certain perspectives but in the same time I feel I can’t do more. Oh, I do wish I could do more, better.

I was thinking these past few days that I get attached to people too easily. I was also wondering why. Is it something to do with my childhood, adolescence? Of course, not only that, for each and every one of us, those are the years that form us as adults but those are the years we remember the  most, we talk the most of. Going back to the subject, why do I get attached to people so easily? Not every person I meet becomes a friend, actually I have very few friends. However, when a person receives the “friend” title I do mean it.  But I don’t mean friends whne saying I get attached too easily. I think because I don’t like people playing with my feelings, I don’t play with theirs either. I never could. But maybe I take things too seriously. I am sure I do, there can’t be any other explanation as to why I take things so personally, even a stupid joke, which meant nothing to the other person could mean quite alot to me. It’s like a curse.

What will I leave behind when I die? If I die tomorrow could I say I accomplished something? Sadly, not really. I realized I am so young! So, so young and, sometimes, I feel like my mind and soul carry the burden of an 80 year old person.

I guess it’s just Autumn playing its role again.

age and first times

5 years old: my first “boyfriend”. if you could call him that anyway hahaah! he used to make flower crowns for me! Odd, I still remember that…

6 years old: went to an amusent park for the first time

8 years old: first trip to Greece

10 years old: the first pair of earrigns I actually liked.

14 years old: the first hair cut I looked good with.

15 years old: the biggest flower bouquet I ever got. Couldn’t even hold it properly and the best part was they were not bought but from a garden!

16 years old: my first watch.

17: first time I had a broken heart.

18: the first “adult” jewelry I ever got. Had sex for the first time.

19: First time I received autumn flowers. You’d think that being born in autumn would make that easy. No! people still buy roses for me although I’m not a big fan. I also understood how mean, stupid, freaky and obsessed people can get. Too bad I had to live it and could not learn it from someone else’s experience.

20: First time I made love

21:  My first scholarship in Greece.

23:  The first time I actually enjoyed my b-day.

24: First time someone actually knew my favorite teas and got them for me. Also, my first tattoo.

I guess the list will continue at one point.

Men. a mistery.

I don’t understand men. At all. Just as they don’t understand women.

Most men when they are in a relationship they want out. Of course when that happens they want in. That is when the whining starts. They start telling their friends what a great person she is, how they miss her and how they want her back. Let’s say that happens, they get her back. Then, they want out again! What?!? Why?? I have no clue.

I am truly curious if I will ever find a man who is happy to be in a relationship, who will not want to break up after 6-8 months, who will be satisfied and happy.

If any of you know such a person tell me, PLEASE. I will suppliment this post when that happens.

The perfect world

It’s upsetting to think that our world can’t be perfect without a special someone in it. Why does it have to be so?

Most of us have a nice life, a nice job, a nice family and so on but if we don’t have that, the special one, too we feel lonely, insecure, miserable. I know that is how humans are but can’t we just be happy without that? Can’t we be satisfied with what life gave us. Oh, and when we do get the special someone then we start finding flaws: “I hate it when he does that!; His feet smell.; he’s chubby/fat; he’s skinny, too skinny.” etc.

So, we are never satisfied. Hmm… that’s not a good thing is it now? I have never met a single person in this world who’d be satisfied. If he’s poor he wants money, if he’s rich he wants more, if she is in a relationship she wants the other guy who doesn’t pick his nose or farts in her presence, if she is single she wants someone, even the guy who picks his nose, if she gets the handsome guy, he’s boring, if she doesn’t get him she’s angry or starts looking for sth to draw his attention, if she has a son she wants a daughter, if she gets the daughter she wanted her to be curly or blonde with big green eyes. LOL!

Yeah, that’s us, the human race. Never satisfied always looking for more, always wanting more.

Let’s just STOP!

How would that be? You could actually see the beauty around you, see that the guy who picks his nose is the kindest man you met, see that the daughter you have, which does not have green eyes and blonde hair, is the prettiest kid you saw, you’ll see you don’t need a lot of money, just enough to survive.  And you will be happier, content and peaceful.

Or will you…?

Ma fac eu mare!!

M-arunc de pe bloc,
Mi-e teama sa nu cad in cot
si sa mi-l disloc…
Ma doare in cot !
Lasa, ca ma fac eu mare,
Si o sa va calc pe toti in picioare…

A better me/you/us/world

I wonder how many of us want to be better or think they need to be better. I am one of those who do believe that. I need to believe that. I think of that as the reason that keeps me going on. Does believing this make you a better person? No. Action on the other hand does.

Dreams. We all have them, don’t we? We ll say “oh! I wish all my dreams would come true”. The problem with dreams is that, most of them, when they come true they sort of backfire. I mean yeah, you want loads of money, and you get it one way or another. Then you start being paranoid about people being your friends only for that reason, you start thinking you’re better than everyone, you forget what modesty is.  I don’t think being modest is the best way to live your life but you do need it sometimes.

So the issue is, do dreams make us better persons or not? Some might, but then again some might not. Let me detail that a bit. Let’s say you dream of your handsome prince who will one day arrive and scoop you up from your stupid, miserable,  boring life. You want it so bad so you start day/night dreaming about it. Is that really healthy? It can’t be. What will you do if he does not show up?? Kill yourself, go crazy, settle for less than you wanted, live your life alone because you could not find him?

I once wrote on this blog that I will give up dreaming, hoping, wishing for anything. Did I really? I mean I surely know it is not healthy, especially if it is something that might not ever come true, but can I do that? Simply stop?

I didn’t!!

I wish I could… A friend said that I shouldn’t, so, maybe, unknowingly I followed his advice.

Sometimes it’s like a real battle in my head, just like Smeagol and Gollum (horrible comparisom). A part of me wants to stop day dreaming, fantasizing and the other wants to be this romantic, day dreaming, hopeful person. Imagine the dialogue:

Dreamy: It would be so great if…

Sensible: If you what? Stop that!

Dreamy: But I want that!

Sensible: But can you get it? Get real!

Dreamy: I shouldn’t be so hard on myself.

Sensible: But it’s the best way, the safest. You can’t get hurt if you don’t hope.

Dreamy: I wish I could…

Sensible: Haven’t you learned your lesson yet?!

Dreamy: Oh, yeah, I have… OK. I’ll stop. But… I wish…

Which one is the best? Maybe there should be a balance between the two but how can you get it? In the end I think the sensible part wins, it’s only right. But for most people, even me sometimes, the dreamy part goes on living a suppresed life. When they get disappointed they don’t know what to do with themselves, they get depressed and promise they’ll never do that again, at least until given a new oportunity.

I wonder how our world would be without the dreamers. Think of  Martin Luther King. That is the best example, might be cliche but you must admit he was grand. His speach, “I have a dream”,  had a great impact on the world. So, dreaming can’t be all bad.

I guess I am contradicting myself. I still am not sure on which side I stand, the sensible or dreamy one. Life and experience will tell.

As Martin Luther King said: I have a dream and I will definately make it come true.